Happy 71st ….

FEBRUARY 2, 2024 – Today is my mama’s 71st birthday and my nephew’s 15th birthday.

Not a year goes by that I do not think of those two as this day draws near. I guess I haven’t been the perfect daughter, or aunt, because neither of them even know I care enough to think about them.

Many of you know by now, that my mama is “no longer with us”. I really never thought of not having her around at this stage of life. To me, my parents always seemed so young, and it never entered my mind what it would be like celebrating their 70s or 80s.

I wanna wish my mama a happy birthday wherever she may be. I have had a few strange dreams lately, like she is trying to reach me. I see her asking me for help. I know I was never good enough for her, so I wonder why I am having these dreams. They are so vivid and have me thinking for the past few days about how real it felt.

I love my mama no matter what she or anyone else may believe or want others to believe. I am so blessed to have her God-given creative genes along with the ability to survive despite the odds against me. Learning that she was diagnosed as bipolar so late in her life allowed me to truly understand her, but it was too late. Sadly, her dementia took away her ability to know I had forgiven her. As I think about her today, I think about what it would be like if I had been allowed to care for my mama as her health declined as was reported by family who chose to keep her from us. I know she wouldn’t like depending on me, but I would do it in a heartbeat because she is my mama.

Happy Birthday Mama…may you be walking along the beach, with seagulls all around you and the sun beating down on your face. I’ll take a walk on the beach and think of you today. I love you.

To my nephew… you have been cheated the blessing of an aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins who loved you the minute they held you. You are the only baby I ever eagerly held besides my own. You will never be turned away from us should you ever wish to learn our side of the story. I am sure your life is full, but we would be blessed to be a part of it. Maybe one day. Maybe. I love ya young man. I am sure you have grown into a handsome young man, like your daddy and papa. I hope you have the happiest of birthday’s and may 15 be a great year for you. May all your dreams come true.

I have spilled what is in my heart. I have to let go and let God handle it now.