Th Game of Manipulation – Part 1

December 30, 2023 – I have been quiet about this painfully true and embarrassing part of my life, long enough. Let’s take a step back in time. Specifically to Tuesday, May 16, 2023 “Arbatration Day”. April had been pretty rough for me and my family because my daughter suffered a traumatic event that led to a 4 hour trauma surgery and 5 days in the hospital and 6+ weeks of recovery.

Skipping over April, let’s talk about Tuesday, May 16, 2023 — “Arbatration Day”. Now, before you go looking at the calendar, Arbatration Day is NOT another one of those random holidays society has added to the calendar. This particualar day was exactly that, the day my siblings and their respective attorney’s were to meet with an arbatrator to settle the Civil Suit brought on by one sibling against the other. 

CIVIL SUIT? Wait… what?

Because I have been threatened by a sibling, I will have to refrain from names or anything that will specifically identify the individuals. So..let’s go with with a simple identifier – Sibling 1, Sibling 2. 

YES.. there was Civil Suit, filed with the courts by the sibling 1 and their adult issue, charged the sibling 2 with FRAUD in regards to the estate of our mama. If you aren’t caught up, our mama suddenly passed in March 2022. I have not shared the details because frankly, I have yet to really come to grips with it myself. You can read about some of it in a few other blogs; “Shots Fired”, “A Sisters Plea”, “It’s Time”, “The Aftermath” and various others.

I did not know sibling 1 had filed the Civil matter until I stumbled across it during my own regular research into family records surrounding both of my parents’ deaths. Though I was not ‘officially’ named in the Civil matter, I knew I had to interject my side of the situation.

Let me pause here —-

While this Civil matter was now filed and going before the courts in the near future, the first case before the courts was the Probate matter, challenging the will of our mama. I had actually begged sibling 1 to file this challenge together, the day our mama passed away. I was put off, told, “I need to think about it because I have a “child’s ” safety to consider”. 

Respectfully, I waited to hear back and had begun to prepare my own paperwork in the event sibling 1 did not file the challenge. I was not wanting to step on any toes and I wanted to do what is right for mama. Unfortunately, neither of my siblings seem to care about stepping on toes or doing the right thing. On July 19, 2022, I had a strong gut feeling to check the probate records. I discovered that sibling 1 had already filed the Probate challenge and left me out of it entirely. I was fuming!!! Upon further research, I discovered someone had signed for ANOTHER summons to the sibling 2. This ‘someone’ had a similar name to mine but was listed as a spouse of the said sibling, which I knew to be untrue. This individual does not exist so far as I know. I reached out to sibling 1, who filed, asking if they knew the individual that signed for the summons and why I wasn’t included in this motion? I got the run around as usual. Now mind you, it took sibling 1 a few days to even call me and talk to me. The contact was made only AFTER having consulted with their attorney. The result of the consult was basically a bull shit answer to keep me off their scent. I was told, paraphrased here, “… that I did not have to be mentioned because I had not suffered as much as they had from the emotional and mental anguish caused by the sibling(2)…“. My response was… basically, “we are siblings. I am the elder and I am suppose to protect against bullying and that is what is happening. Wrong is wrong.” I also went on to state that “had we joined together it would present a more united front to the court”.

On Thursday, August 11, 2022, just 23 days later, I had a knock at my door. Upon answering, I was served a summons. This summons was the probate case I was originally NOT mentioned in and I was named on the same side as the sibling 2, for which charges were brought against…i.e. as a “respondent”. This infuriated me beyond words. I texted sibling 1 immediately, [quote] “WTH?! WHY AM I NAMED ON THE SAME SIDE AS ________?!?! I DIDN’T DO NOTHING TO U…”[end quote]

A day later, I got a text answer back, “We had to list you per Probate and it isn’t that you are on the same side as [sibling 2] but that you aren’t the one bringing the action. So you wouldn’t be on the same side as me since I filed the petition”. I took no more than 3 mintues to respond, “I expected this to be your explanation…thanks, it still doesn’t look good for me. AND you could have called to warn me if it isn’t that big a deal.”

I got no reply. I heard nothing from sibling 1 again.

So, now I am officially named in an action brought on by sibling 1 against sibling 2. Manipulation at it’s finest.

I had already typed up my response and submitted it to the court. I had put my side out there, it was accepted and recorded in the probate records. Other than being named on the new summons, my name and my side of the situation was recorded with the courts. All we had to do now, was wait.

BACK to the Civil matter….

I starting making phone calls. Trying to find an attorney. As sibling 1 had also stated, finding an attorney to even take the case was difficult and I was experiencing that same cunundrum. Every lawyer I talked to said either, “too busy”, “not worth the time”, or asked for a “4 figure retainer to investigate before taking me on”. I didn’t have time for an investigation. I didn’t have disposable income to throw at an attorney. I needed someone to file NOW.

I dove into researching. I combed through cases I could find of similar charges and read the public documents. I learned that one option is to submit my statement to the respective attorney’s. They would either use it as evidence to the court or dismiss it. At this point, I had run out of options. I used the same document I had prepared for the probate and submitted to their respective attorney’s. I got a “thank you” from one and nothing from the other.

Then…

I got an email on April 26, 2023 from sibling 1’s attorney. The email informed me that the mediation would be on May 16, 2023 at 10am. They went on to say, that while I am “not a party to this action, since I sent the letter, as a courtesy they were informing me of the mediation so I can decide if I want to attend or not. They went on to say that a copy of the email would me mailed as well”.

Now, I had been dealing with my own personal things and wasn’t sure I would be able to attend. I didn’t have any expectations but I responded my uncertainty. I had thought about reaching out to sibling 1 but I knew it would go unanswered. I just kept the event in my mind and decided as it drew closer.

I made it to the mediation. 

During the entire drive to the location that morning, I apologized to my parents in heaven for the mess my siblings had created. I knew daddy would be most upset with this behavior. He didn’t like family problems to be made public. I also know he would be ready to snatch a knot in our tails for letting it get this far. I went expecting nothing. I arrived with nothing and I expected nothing when I left. Sadly, I wasn’t prepared what actually happened.

Arriving just about 15 minutes before the set time, I sat in my vehicle trying to settle my nerves. I told myself to think of what daddy would say. When I saw a familiar face arrive, I waited just moments before I walked in behind them. I followed them into the conference room. My sibling didn’t even look at me, as if I was the enemy and it made me want to shake the living shit out of ’em. I stood in the back corner of the room, diagonal of my sibling. The other attorney, the host, arrived. Introductions were made. The host attorney said to me, “I wasn’t expecting you to be here. I don’t know where to place you.” I quickly pointed to a chair along the wall and said, “I can sit right there”. Then…it happened. My own sibling quickly responded, again without so much as a glance my way, “No, no…I don’t want her in here”. The room was quiet for a second. The host attorney stated, “I could ask [sibling 2] if you could sit in there”. To which I responded, “I don’t care, but I know [sibling 2] wouldn’t dare want me in the same room. I can just go sit in my car if I have to”. The lunch room and the foyer were extended to me as an option in the event the mediator wanted to talk to me. 

I was so embarrassed that my siblings were acting like this. I was also furious. I wanted to leave so badly and make a scene in doing so. I knew that they had painted me as the ‘off the handle sibling’ so I didn’t want to give their words any merit or value, otherwise I would have. Instead, I sat in the little kitchen. It was not comfortable at the least. I met the mediator breifly. Then I made my way to the foyer. I found a comfortable chair. I made a few calls. Occupied myself. Watched the foot traffic and waited. The mediator was in and out of the room, up and down the stairs. I think they may have forgotten I was there because I overheard some of the conversation about the tone and atmosphere in the respective rooms. A little while later, I caught a glimpse of sibling 1 in the room as their issue exited to go to the restroom. Saw them again when they went to the restroom. Again, not even a glance my way. Like I was the enemy. I grew madder and madder the longer I stayed there. I walked outside a few times, made calls to vent and share the situation I was in. Many I talked to said I just need to walk away. Part of me wanted to but another part of me thought that someone in this office would be smart and be the voice of reason and pull me into the mix. I knew they had my version of details. 

Finally, after sitting there for over 8 hours…no lunch and just small talk with the mediator, I left. I told the receptionist I was leaving. Gave her my number and went on to resume my life. My siblings were squabbling over the money and worldly things they felt entitled to and it was clear they would do what they could to make sure I saw nothing of my daddy’s legacy.

A few hours had passed. I had just began to relax and enjoy the company of friends when I got a call. It was the host attorney, that of sibling 2. It was a quick, rather urgently sounding ‘demand’ that I return. Not knowing what I was getting into…I dropped what I was doing and made the trip back. It took me longer than expected so I got another call asking for my ETA. The entire way, my mind raced with unknowns. 

Ya wanna know what happened? Tune in later for part 2…