No One Ever Told Me..

1-Aug-2023 – Skipped a month! July came and went pretty fast for me. Today’s post will be short and…sweet.

Today, my baby bro is having a birthday. I don’t know how to put this into words. Some very proud “big sister moments” I remember fondly and prodominently are,11 years ago, he was my rock when we had to watch our daddy take his last breath. 20 years ago, I watched him say “I DO”. 26 years ago, he looked into my eyes and asked me “how to be an uncle?” to my eldest, and if I am not mistaken, I got to see him graduate high school that same year. 28 years ago, he and my daddy walked me down the isle. Most importantly, 44 years ago, I held a baby for the first time and it was my baby bro. He and I had an immediate bond. He suffered from some sort of seizures early in life and I remember sitting by his crib watching him at night. I was, young but I felt as if I had to protect him. I would wake mama and tell her he had a seizure and I was there for him. I remember almost falling into the crib to comfort him as his eyes rolled back into his head, leaving only the whites of his eyes. I was scared but in that moment, I was protecting him and forgot about my own fears.

I have not been able to ‘protect’ him for many years. Sadly, the past 11 years, I have struggled with this day and I have buried the urge to share. Because he has made it clear, he is not interested in my role as a big sister. I never had a cross word with him, that I can remember. (Let’s face it folks, we all forget some things). Regardless, I tried in May of this year to talk to him and share with him. He ‘acted’ as if he was listening and gave me an impression that he “wanted” to hear me. As soon as he walked away, I knew he was just playing with my emotions. He had an endgame that made it easy for him to turn his back and never look at me again.

Regardless, lil bro…the Good Lord, the very Lord you praise and ‘life your life for’ made us siblings. I hope and pray you are having a very blessed birthday. I hate that I let you down, if I did. No one ever told me … how to be a big sister. I never, in my life, ever thought we would not be a part of eachother’s lives. I always imagined us growing up sharing vacations, holidays and more with our families.

May this day be YOUR day and you celebrate with those you love and love you. Know that I love you, always have and always will. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

LOVE ALWAYS,

YOUR BIG SIS