May 22, 2023 – What does “FAMILY” mean to you?
It doesn’t have the same meaning to every one, even those in the same family. I have known this my entire life. Sadly, over the last 10 years I have been reminded, in the harshest way possible, that my meaning of FAMILY is harshly NOT the same as my siblings.
To me, family loves you unconditionally. Hearts will be broken. Trust will be tested. Words will be said. Stupid decisions will be made. Family accepts you for who you are and grow to become. Family is there for you when the chips are down. Family is there for you when one is lost. Family is there to listen and not judge. Family is there to lift you up when spirits are down. Family is there to give us harsh, hard to hear advice at times or just listen when you need it.
I know this from personal experience, siblings can grow up in the same home with the same parents and turn out to be completely different people in many aspects. It’s okay. We eventually build our own individual lives. What we shouldn’t do is build those lives with the expectation of never seeing our siblings ever again. At the same time, we shouldn’t build our lives around the expectation of being involved in each other’s everyday lives either. There is a balance. Learning that balance is what makes us evolve. Learning this balance does not mean keeping track of when a sibling breaks your heart, says something cross to you or tests your trust. Sure, it’s acceptable to guard yourself and your family should these things happen. Sure, it’s acceptable to keep the events in mind and maybe even carry on a conversation with the offending invidual, so that amends can be made. It is extremely difficult to fix something if you have never been told you broke it.
The one thing I remember my daddy saying to me, “one day all you will have is each other“. He said that often, usually after a squabble between siblings. He repeated those words many times later in life when his health began to fail. I admit, at the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. It wasn’t until he passed that those words would find a way to enter my head when I least expected it.
It’s a harsh reality to accept. Without even trying, I feel like I was born to be the black sheep of the family. No matter how much I try to do the right thing, take the high road and never ask for anything; I find myself being the one holding the shittiest end of the proverbal stick.
I am not the type of person to hold a grudge or pass judgement. As many extended family and even close friends have said of me over the years, “You’ve put up with a lot of fucking shit your entire life from people who are suppose to love you”. I have had to accept, FAMILY does not have the same meaning to my siblings as it does me.
It’s their loss.
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