It’s Time…

**EDITED: 11-Mar-2022 – DUE TO A SERIES OF EVENTS, I WAS FORCED UNDER DURRESS, TO AGREE TO REMOVE A CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS NAME FROM MY LIFE, PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH WAS CHALLENGED AND USED TO BASICALLY THREATEN ME. NON COMPLIANCE MEANT I WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND MY MOTHER’S FUNERAL.**

MARCH 8, 2022 – It’s 6am…it’s time to share with you another update in the events surrounding my quest to #findVICKIE. As we all know, I finally got to see my mama on March 5, 2022 for a short 45 minutes. I have shared with you some rather detailed events and actions I took afterwards, pleaing with my brother, to allow me to be with her, but he went through great lengths to keep people away. Hindsight, extreme measures that he has taken can only mean he is hiding something.

On March 7, 2022, I learned that mama passed away around 1:30-1:40pm at Prisma Health Oconee Memorial Hospital. What hurts me is knowing that her children were not by her side as it should have been. We weren’t even told by own brother, we had to find out in other ways on our own. The irony is, I was sitting in the parking lot of the hospital hoping that my brother would show some sort of compassion as the Christian he is said to be and call or have doctors call me. [I sat there after having attended the funeral of mom’s Uncle Frankie Pierce.]

Now, as her children, we have to make sure she is laid to rest in peace. This task has also been impeded by my brother, who has attempted to erase our existence. Thankfully, the sisters are united in the effort to see that mama is laid to rest as she would have wanted and so rightly deserves. As I have told the many Pierce family members, that asked and have kept tabs on mama, we are doing our best to do what is right. I don’t want anyone to ever be denied their own time to mourn the loss of a loved one and seek closure how they see fit. I never imagined fighting with my brother, who really does seem to be pretty delusional, when it comes to understanding how to deal with a loss.

I took a moment to write up what I would consider a fitting obituary for our mama. I hope, as her children, this will be what we collectively agree on, I am not seeing any indication that it will be in print anywhere but here:

——————————NOT OFFICIAL BUT TRUE—JUST A PROPOSAL—————————-
VICKIE D. BREWER, age 69, of Seneca, SC passed away on March 7, 2022 at Prisma Health Oconee Memorial Hospital after complications from COVID with underlying health issues related to dimentia and bi-polar. A lifetime resident of Oconee County, born February 2, 1953, to the late Roy C. Long, Sr. and Jonelle “Avis” Pierce-Long and widow of Claude “Randy” Brewer.
Vickie is survived by her three children, *********, *******, ******.
Vickie also leaves behind siblings, *** ***** and ******* **** of Seneca and half brother *** ***** of Seneca.
Vickie loved to stay busy. She was a housewife most of her life, who enjoyed working in the yard, planting flowers and landscaping. Inside the home, it wasn’t unusual to see her repainting, rebuilding, or renovating something. She rarely took time to sit and allow a TV to take her time, because she liked to decorate and not a corner of the home went untouched. Painting a room, adding a knick knack, rearranging or sprucing up was an everyday thing that kept her on her feet. She liked to be around people and talk and share stories. While she was a very smart, creative soul, she had never really found true happiness. It is our hope that she is now happy and finally resting in peace.
In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that you make a donation to the Alzheimer’s Association and make it your life goal to spend each day making sure you stay busy, and reach out to those in your life that have not found their happiness — tell them they are loved.
———————————END OF UNOFFICIAL BUT TRUE OBIT————————————

You might ask yourself, if you know me, “why I would want this as an obituary or why I am even trying to take part in seeing my mother’s final rest is of peace”? The simple answer is, because she is my mother, God chose that, not her and not me. She was sick and we didn’t know it. If I had been given the opportunity to see mama again, before my brother hid her in a home, I would have had my opportunity to say things we started to say but couldn’t seem to finish. I would have had the opportunity to offer what I would hope would help her heart heal from her unhappiness. She and I needed to hear that — I forgave her. I had everything typed and ready to sit down and tell her because our last conversation left a hole that needed to be filled. ‘Mama, I want to go on the record in front of God and everybody and convey to you a few things that should have been said. 

First and most important, I love you.  I don’t remember the last time I heard those words from you in all sincerity and I grew up wondering if you ever really knew how to love. I have made it my mission, as a mother, to never let my children question my love for them. Secondly, when I heard about your diagnosis I thought, if this is true it answers so many questions about our childhood.  I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and a sudden peace came over me.  I believe you have gone undiagnosed far too long.  It explains why you would tell things about me, like, “…she {meaning me} shredded daddy’s will in the gas station office beside huddle house”, or why you drove a wedge between siblings, or ‘disowned’ your daughter for nearly 10 years.  That same illness is why you told me, at 18 years old, “I will put a bomb in the tailpipe if daddy gives you that Trans Am” and “I had to change the locks on the house because I am afraid, you (referring to me) will rob me to get money for drugs” or why you told daddy, “I’ll divorce you if you pay for her (meaning my) college”. (For the record, for those that don’t know me, I have never had a drug problem, I don’t even like to take vitamins). Mama, you have/had an illness that has gone untreated for so long and given the era, it is understandable, it wasn’t talked about.  Your diagnosis gave me some hope.  Hope that you don’t really hate me.  Hope that I am not a reminder of the teenage choices you made when I came along and took your youth from you.  But, I wasn’t told until the last minute and you seemed to have declined rapidly after I learned of your diagnosis. Thirdly, when we last spoke our words were not of anger or animosity. We both retreated and went silent, and it isn’t the first time we have gone silent.  As daddy said, “you are so much alike, you both need time apart”.  As I have said, I am probably the last person on earth you would want or expect to care for you, but let’s be honest, my siblings have families that need them right now as they are in very important stages of their lives.  As for me, I have adult children with their own lives, they can do without me as much.  I could/would have quit my job and moved down to take care of you because you are my mama, however, I was never given the option.  Finally, I have never asked for anything from you, I have never attempted any physical harm to you, and I have never been disrespectful to you.  We have had our share of disagreements and I always came back for more.  I cannot accept the reality that you willingly and knowingly allowed all your possessions to be sold.  I cannot accept the reality that you willingly and knowingly allowed your home to be sold, rendering you homeless.  It is obvious that you are incapacitated, because my mama loves her possessions and her big home.  My mama talked about a big home for so many years and daddy wanted nothing more than to give you that big home.  Selling it is like spitting on daddy’s grave.  He never stopped loving you until his last breath at 12:25pm on March 6, 2012.  If it weren’t for daddy, you wouldn’t have anything, and he was proud of that.  Mama, I forgive you.

——————******—————*******—————********———–********—————
Folks, if you have taken the time to read all of this I thank you, you must be pretty bored right now. This is my way of dealing with the hurt and getting closure. Storming the castle taking no prisoners and giving in to the image that others have portrayed me as — is not the answer. My mama was … let’s say, not one of the easiest people to know – I added sugar and I struggled with that. The truth is, as I have begun to navigate the family history, I have learned that so many individuals in our family that are like my mother. It has been said, that her granny, my great granny, Finus Lee Johnson-Pierce, a mother of 11, was rather ‘cruel’ to the girls, favoring the boys. Apparently, my nanny, Jonelle “Avis” Pierce Long-Long was also said to have been pretty cruel to my mother growing up. Which may explain, NOT EXCUSE, why my mother and I had the same relationship she had with her mother. I was close to my nanny and she told me before she passed that ‘she loved my mama but didn’t understand why my mama didn’t even hug her when she asked her to‘. These ladies never got the love of their mom’s, were never taught how to love, I come from that and I have learned it means I had to do my best to break that cycle. Before even learning about my great-grandmother, I had already made my own decision to not be like them in that aspect. I have told my kids, “I wake up every morning and when my feet hit the floor I remind myself to tell my kids I love them.”

As I sit here at 7:30am, the morning after losing my mother, ten years and 2 days after losing my father, hundreds of miles away from my own family…I have come to realize that perhaps I had been so focused on making sure my kids knew I loved them that I forgot to tell my own siblings. As their older sister, I had a responsibility to share with them these lessons and life revelations. I may have failed in doing that. I suppose that when we have events that make us pause we all seek answers and question even those things we thought we did right. I just have to find peace in knowing that I have a great family, friends and blessings that will one day be gone. I have to have faith.