A Sister’s Plea…

**EDITED: 11-Mar-2022 – DUE TO A SERIES OF EVENTS, I WAS FORCED UNDER DURRESS, TO AGREE TO REMOVE A CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS NAME FROM MY LIFE, PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH WAS CHALLENGED AND USED TO BASICALLY THREATEN ME. NON COMPLIANCE MEANT  I WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO ATTEND MY MOTHER’S FUNERAL.**

March 6, 2022 – Today, is the 10th anniversary of my daddy’s passing. At precisely 12:25pm, he took his last breath here on earth, though his spirit had been gone long before that.

Daddy, like us all, was no saint. He loved his family, which includes all THREE of his kids, all FIVE grandchildren and his wife, Vickie D. Brewer. He was a protector. He was a private man. He loved to play jokes/pranks. He loved having us girls and our girl friends around. He beemed with pride when my brother came along. He never met a stranger. He loved his cars and car shows. He was a Clemson Tiger fan his whole life. He taught me how to throw a mean spiral during the many tailgaiting times we shared. He was a dedicated Duke Energy employee who was said to have started his career for them digging ditches working up the ladder with nothing more than a GED. Smart. Funny. Loving. Friendly. I love and miss you Daddy!

What makes today’s anniversary harder, my desperate plea to #findVICKIE has come full circle. She has been found! It isn’t good. At 11:30am on Saturday, March 5, 2022, I received a call from Oconee Memorial Hospital. They told me that my brother had given them permission to call and let me know that our mama was declining fast. They said they would call back later to confirm my ETA so I can be escorted up to visit her and it could only be me. I hung up. I went into overdrive. It’s no secret that I was in town, had been since Thursday. I am there every March 6th. I called my husband. I made the trip to the hospital and my head spun with so many questions. I told the front desk lady my purpose and she told me I had to wait. Given the recent state of the pandemic I figured it was just protocol. Just a few minutes later, I was given permission to go up.

What happened between 1pm and 2:30pm is still hard to believe. I walked to room 330 peeked in and saw my mama. She looked so frail. The nurse approached and insisted I leave my personal belongings out of the room. It felt strange but…I was in no position to balk. I walked into the room and stood at my mama’s bedside. It broke my heart. She was lifeless. She had tubes and wires and bandages all over what skin I could see. What wasn’t covered in bandages was covered in age spots, bruises and sores. She wore a yellow bracelet “fall risk” on her right arm, also full of bruises and sores. Her fingernails were painted pink and it had been some time since they were done, as they looked pretty rough. She wasn’t resposive but I held her hand anyway and talked to her. I hope she heard me. I also hoped my voice wasn’t causing her any distress. Her hair was still grey but very thin. Her face looked so thin. I don’t think I have ever seen my mama so skinny. Her left wrist was covered with a sponge like bandage with 3/3/22 and some lettering written on it. Her lip, the left corner all the way to about the top of her lip was nothing but a huge, big as my thumb, sore. Very dark and heavy scab. Her neck, just where the ‘second chin’ would meet the first had sores also heavily scabbed over. One was probably about the size of a nickel. A few healed spots and a few also heavily scabbed looked like cigarrette burns, atleast the size. Not saying they were burns. It broke my heart. The doctor walked in and despite my asking “when” and “what” he refused to answer me. He only told me I had until 1:45. It was about 1:14. I intended to take the entire time I was given. I looked at her wrist band and, sadly I didn’t have my glasses but from what I could read it appeared she was admitted either 2/28 or 2/18.

At 1:45pm I walked out of that room but wishing I could stay. I looked across the nurses station and remembered that 10 years ago around this time, we were holding on to daddy just a few doors away. From here it was just a meeting of the minds with doctors. Long story short…at some point, a security guard was standing outside the waiting room we occupied talking to the doctors trying to get answers. Then I heard, “they just pulled up“. It was just a bit after 2 o’clock. Apparently, the doctors had been instructed to have us out of the building by 2 when my brother and family was due back. Sadly, we had delayed that. We were then told we needed to go. I looked over my shoulder and no one was getting out of the two vehicles they occupied. A security guard was talking, planning to escort us down. I didn’t need, want or desire an escort so – I left. I reached the lobby and my legs felt like noodles. I was overcome with a sudden flood of emotions and made a dash for a seat. Moments later, another security guard appeared and asked me to join him upstairs on the 2nd floor. I asked “why” and he said, “because your brother doesn’t want to see you and I have to go escort them in”. I said, “no, I will sit right here. If they don’t want to see me, they don’t have to look over here”. I sat down. Thankfully, the very nice lady at the front desk spoke up and said that where I was sitting not even she could see me. He left and went to get them. Moments later I saw him and his family enter the elavator. Yeah, I saw ya bro…you look like the events have really aged you….I am sorry!

I felt like I was living in some sort of movie. Since when did my baby brother become fearful of his own sisters? Why is he afraid of us women? From what I have learned, he is the only one who has issued threats. I think he knows me well enough to know better, so I am really perplexed by this beahvior. The fact that he did this only showed their lack of a real set of balls in my opinion. I welcome a toe to toe with him because I think all he needs to be reminded that disrespect is disrespect and we were taught better than to disrespect our elders. I AM AN ELDER!!!

Sadly, the repeated requests for more information hadn’t been answered, so I was not leaving until there were answers. While I held onto that hope, the wonderful lobby staff made sure I had snacks and drinks and a shoulder to cry on. They reminded me that it is a small world and people DO see through the fake and evil doings of others. They taught me to just remain my true self. I was enjoying my courtesy snack and drink when out of the elevator came the doctor and another lady. They came to me, introduced themselves. They asked that we go somewhere private and talk. Seems that they had finally been given “permission” to answer a few questions. They proceeded to tell me that mama had arrived on February 18 via ambulance from a nursing home. She presented with COVID symptoms. They had gone through all the treatment methods available and unfortunately, she had reached the maximum they can do for her. There was mention of something about 14 days and her being sedated.

A while later, my sister arrived. The doctors were notified and they came back downstairs. We all went into the chapel and they repeated what they told me. This time, I was prepared with more questions. I asked about the sores and they explained them as being from the intibation and her being combative because she didn’t comprehand the instructions. Was also told that my brother had made the decision to remove the support, after discussion was had days before. It was determined, by the doctors, that mama would not make it through the surgery for a trach and a feeding tube. The last resort was to remove the support and wait. When asked how long after the removal would she pass, they said “minutes”. Her lungs were so badly damanged from pneumonia and so forth. Apprently that decision was the deciding factor to offer us the 45 minutes to see her. Have no clue at this point when support would be removed or if it had already. We asked, again, if we were going to be allowed to see her again. They said they would ask my brother. Then it was asked if a granddaughter could see her, as two others had been allowed to, it only seemed fair, and again, they said they would ask. We all parted ways and waited. A bit later, we got a call down at the front desk and were told, “no to any additional visits and our brother has asked that we leave the grounds”. Folks, this meant that the existence of ALL grandchildren has not been recognized. A total slap in the face to the innocent children. I WOULD NEVER – EVER – NEVER PUNISH AN INNOCENT CHILD FOR THE ACTIONS OF THE ADULTS. THIS IS EXTREMELY LOW, CHILDISH, MEAN AND FUCKING WRONG!

Now, you know me…I ain’t being pushed around. I was doing NOTHING illegal and certainly wasn’t going to be forced to leave a public place unless I did something to deserve it. I remained in the lobby. I did walk outside, make calls. I also left to get a drink. Came back and parked stretegically so that I could watch and be seen. I had moved locations, out of direct sight, and within minutes, I saw three individuals emerge from the building with a security escort. I chuckled at this behavior. I stayed until well past visiting hours and only left because my friends were worried about me and my poor bladder was not happy.

Today, I returned to the hospital and found nothing to have changed from an outsiders standpoint. Seems mama had held on through the night, and we are still “assuming” that support had been removed. It would be bittersweet if she passed today, a part of me didn’t want to find out she passed on the same day as daddy 10 years apart.

Then, my obligation to be at the gravesite by 12:25 took me from the parking lot. I spent about and hour and a half at the cemetary. Had a nice visit with daddy, my papa, my nanny, and a friend or two. Then I returned to the hospital. I had intentions of taking a “thank you” card to my lobby ladies. When I returned to the hospital, one of my brother’s vehicles was gone, in it’s place was another of his, so I assumed he and his wife had switched shifts. So I parked in the same spot I had occupied earlier. I finished the cards and walked inside. The lady at the front desk was so happy with her a gift. Daddy would be so proud of me talking to a complete stranger. I talked to her a bit longer, we shared a hug and I left.

It is 8:02pm…I am writing this as a reminder to myself about the absolute mess and embarrasing situation my brother has brought on this family. The hospital staff all said that they just wish we would all sit down in a room together. We knew it won’t happen. My plea to be there when she takes her last breath, to support my brother as he did me with daddy — has been ignored. My brother should understand that if I was really a threat, I would have done it a long time ago. I am not that type of person and I don’t know where they got such an impression. I also want him to know that one thing everyone says, when they learn what he has been done – KARMA IS A BITCH!!!

I have never prayed so hard in my life. I ask that if you believe in prayer, please pray that brother finds it in his heart and digs into his “Christian” conscious and does the right thing.

Luke 18:20 “You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’”