APRIL 9, 2020 – Today marks two weeks since I was last employed. Feels strange typing that. On this day, two weeks ago, I arrived at the job just like I had done for previous 7 years, 3 months and 23 days, knowing it was the last day indefinitely.
The ambiance was strange. Coworkers seemed to be simply going through the motions. Spirits were average and talk was minimal. I had seen this coming but still wasn’t prepared. A few coworkers looked worried, in my opinion. Others looked as if they were just ready to go, again, my opinion.
Regardless, the work was done as expected and people started leaving as they finished. The majority of folks were gone before the official closing hour. I have to say, I was tempted to go as well, but I found myself working on things that I had put off because of being busy. Cleaning up workspaces and gathering any small personal effects, like cups, phone chargers etc. Then, the dreaded clock out…and departure.
I guess the reality of what has happened kinda hit me this week. I have found myself less active. I want to dive into projects to pass the time, but fear that doing so could result in more projects getting stopped mid completion because they could call any day and say “get back in here”. While, on the other hand, I have a fear that I will never get the call and I will have started projects and completed them leaving me with nothing to do. Worse, I would adapt to a new “normal” and be called back and be unable to fulfill my home commitments and be distracted by work, again.
Living in limbo, uncertainty and isolation takes you on an emotional rollercoaster. I pride myself on staying occupied, busy and adapting to change. When I spend days just wandering aimlessly around my home, playing silly games on phone or just wanting to sleep, I worry about depression. Is that symptoms of depression? I admit I miss my “regular” life, people, even the cantankerous ones, and the hustle. I admit that I am like so many others who go through the motions of being a “responsible member of society” and complain, sometimes, and wish I was “at home” at times. Who doesn’t? As I have stated, I love my job, despite the crap that got me to where we are today. Like many others, I know I am not alone in my feelings or situation. I also know that I am strong enough to pull through these times. As are we all!
Today, I did very little again. Seems to be a never ending cycle since Sunday. I did the basics around the home, had three “meals” and interacted with family. I wasn’t in the mood to be crafty but found myself retreating to the very clean craft room and working on my blog and cleaning up the computer. I also did a few tutorials in Photoshop. Was planning to go into the office for my weekly webinar on CorelDraw, but decided I wasn’t in the right headspace to be out and about, even if it is JUST to and from a single destination. The idea that the world is going about their day out there covered in facemasks and gloves scares the shit out of me. Hey, just being honest. It will be like living in a world surrounded by Michael Jackson’s. As I have said, I am NOT ready for that. The weather last night got nasty anyway and today is cooler than it has been, so going outside isn’t in the cards. So, I enjoyed another day in PJs and the safety of my home. Tomorrow, I will have to venture out.
Oh, and for those folks in this boat with me, fellow Kentuckians. Have YOU seen that first “unemployment” check yet? I haven’t! My last employer paycheck has come and gone. I filed the first day I was home, March 27, 2020 and as of today, nothing. Took me nearly an hour to get the website to load and it says “being processed”. Not like I’m going anywhere, but I do have a few expenses that need paying. Just sayin… sure would be nice to get those funds they are bragging about having for all of us!
#COVID-19 #stayhome #TeamKentucky #unemployed
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