A Work-aversary

January 3, 2020 marked my 7th Work-aversary!

Ok, so I made that word up. Clever don’t ya think?

How do I summarize 7 years spent on a roller coaster? One word – MIRACLE.

It is a miracle I celebrated this “Work-aversary”, especially after having written my resignation letter 3 times, first one in September 2014 and the last one as recently as June 26, 2019.

Why would someone write resignation letters be celebrating 7 years? Simply put, those resignation letters helped me reflect.

Reflection allows us to learn and make sense of things. Sometimes, reflection helps shape our future. The emotional roller coaster I have been riding since January 3, 2013 is one that many wouldn’t want to ride for very long. Now, I’m not a thrill seeker by any means, but I stay buckled in for one reason…I LOVE what I do.

From January 3, 2013 to June 27, 2019 I was an embroidery machine operator. That is 12,417 working days. I was pretty damn good at it, despite the grumpy old micromanager running the room. It took me a year to navigate around the micromanagement. I had a few good conversations, but the cheeky remarks overshadowed the good. No one should ever tell a mom to “put the kids in a taxi” or “cut the umbilical cord“. We never talked about creative things, as my opinion was always looked down upon. There are only so many times you want to hear, “I have been doing this all my life, you don’t know what anyone wants” or “where do you get these ideas?” or “this is what the customer wants”, knowing they hadn’t been in contact with customers in over a decade and was NOT in the “scene” like I was with two active teenagers. It was clear that they were stuck in a room with someone they clearly didn’t want to be there.

Remember that first resignation letter? What lead to that was a series of events I honestly didn’t see coming. I began to think about leaving this job, despite my love for what I did in September 2014. Under somewhat shady circumstances a month earlier, a new body had been added to the room. It was getting crowded and even more tense. This new body was yet another older individual that the micromanager seemed to be happier to have on board. Things started to tilt my side of the room into a downward spiral. The new body wasn’t pulling their weight (never really has). They made a lot of mistakes. Very perverted towards coworkers and it bothered me. I was never talk to often…but when they did it was things like, “I don’t know what is going on with you, but I will pray for you“. I was given the very large orders and told, “I know you will do it without a mistake” or “I know it will get done and done right if you do it“. Of course, reflecting back after the fact, I realized it was to keep me busy while the new body, humped the clock and manipulated things to work as much overtime as possible, while accomplishing absolutely nothing.

The day finally came and the micromanager blew up on me. Sadly, it was over something they couldn’t see was clearly their mistake and of course the new body didn’t have the balls to stand up for me, so I took the verbal abuse in front of them.

It was ordered of me, “get out of my sight“. Complete with the finger pointing into the sky like a parent to a child, as if I was going to sprout wings and fly away. I was so pissed. I grabbed by bag, marched upstairs and holding onto my emotions as much as possible, I announced what happened and said I was headed home.

I was promised, “it would be handled“. [It was simply swept under the rug, but I was given a half-assed apology in private]. I found myself holding my first resignation letter and every day thinking about how to present it.

Soon after this outburst, small yet positive changes happened but nothing significant. I was spreading my wings, getting to know the ropes better and finding ways to show my abilities. I found ways to work with the two grumpy bodies, I ignored the constant reminders from them both about their “20+ years of experience compared to my 2,3 or 4 years“. During the absences of the micromanager, I was running the room. My abilities were noticed because I was called upon to do things that the micromanager often turned away. It was usually asked of me in their absence, so I knew they too didn’t want to upset the apple cart.

Like anything I do, I did it well and didn’t let it get to my head. The new body’s true colors showed, as they would often speak freely about how much they hated being micromanaged, shared their insights of how I was treated and even one time admitted to me that “they didn’t really get to know me early on because they were told I wasn’t going to be there much longer when they were hired“. That floored me. I told them “I knew that I wasn’t a favorite. The way they were brought onto the team was questionable and did lead me to believe I was being replaced, but I was still there“.

Speaking of still being there. I had been trying to find a way out. I learned of another opening in the small company and inquired. Only to be told that taking me from embroidery would result in two departments ‘suffering’. Be that as it was, I returned to my 3’x14′ workspace, tail tucked and bubble burst.

Every review, I managed to mention the environment I was subjected to and always assured that things would change. They never did.

Then, the micromanager lost their cool again. This time it was over yet another job they failed to convey proper details. Once again, I found myself writing another resignation letter. The half-assed apology came again and I warned them, there wouldn’t be a third time.

Then in/around July 2017, it was decided we needed a fourth body on the team. The room hadn’t gotten any bigger but we did have a new machine, or “I” had a new machine, one promise kept. Production was increasing, clients were on the rise and while the new body still hadn’t gotten any faster, I had found ways to institute changes that helped our production while keeping the micromanager at bay. I had also managed to develop somewhat of a coping mechanism with the new body and their very unprofessional, unethical ways. I simply called them out rather than letting it bottle up inside me. This caused a bit of tension, but having learned they were related to the owners, I knew they weren’t going anywhere and if I was going to be let go, I wasn’t going to go with my tail tucked.

I asserted my ideas in ways that actually made them acceptable and small changes were made helping me cope with the high demands. The idea of a fourth body would disrupt my established work flow but could possibly help the slow body. I was honest when I expressed my take on adding another body. I was sold on the idea because it was going to help remove the micromanager from the equation and lend a much needed hand to the slower of the team. As I said many times, we were only as strong as our weakest team member.

Just like every review, promises were made and never followed through. I accepted that. By November, we had a new body in the room, a younger poor innocent soul, we were led to believe. At least it wasn’t another grumpy old body.

I kept my distance. I felt like another locomotive was about to hit me and I didn’t want to be blind sided again. I was vocal about my predictions. I kept my ear to the ground and watched. As predicted, the new body was being molded to take over the management of the room. It irritated me because I had been doing the job in the shadows. I had been told repeatedly that I was doing a great job and helping in a positive way. I documented some things about this in my post entitled ¿WWYD?.

That post was influenced by the 4th team member. There is a lot of blanks to fill and details to share but bottom line is, my prediction was confirmed. They were brought in to manage. On June 20, 2019, the freight train hit but this time, I saw it coming. The four of us were brought before the owners and it was confirmed that the newest member was going to be taking on another responsibility, a responsibility I had been repeatedly praised for doing so well. Removing the body meant production demands would once again fall onto my shoulders.

I would once again be in a room with the slow poke and the micromanager that didn’t want me there. I had battled for a little bit of freedom. I had taken on a new set of responsibilities all on my own and done a damn good job at it. Suddenly, I was seeing a final resignation letter in my future. This time, it would make it out of my bag and onto desks. After that meeting, I had a flood of emotions filing my head. I didn’t want to just walk out. I was better than that. I spent the following two working days, a Friday and Monday, just doing my job and not carrying on any small talk with anyone. I watched as the shift was made and the work fell back to me and the slow poke. I was drowning in emotions and avoiding any small talk would keep me from stooping to redneck level and blowing up. I didn’t want to show my angry side. I also knew that expressing my truth would do no good, no one would listen. Too many empty promises had already been made.

On Thursday, June 25, 2019, I was pulled into a private room by the micromanager. It was insisted that I knock off the ‘silent treatment’ in the room and talk to my co-workers. I defended myself, without getting too emotional. I asked if I was doing my job and was told yes but I “HAD” to talk to my coworkers. I disagreed. I spoke a small bit of truth when I said I found no point in carrying on meaningless conversation with anyone that would make fun of or stab me in the back. I didn’t like hypocrisy.

Then, my job was threatened. Knowing this individual didn’t have the power, just the mouth, I stood up, and said, “are you threatening my job? If so, we can go upstairs now”. I left the room.

The next morning, I let my guard down. I found myself in the middle of a conversation about vacation plans the new individual had. That afternoon, June 26, 2019, I was asked to meet with micromanager and the owners. The 20 minute meeting can be summarized with a few words. I was being removed from the embroidery department simply because I was not talking to my coworkers. I won’t even go through the gamut of emotions I was feeling when they uttered those words.

I looked across the table at the micromanager and all I could think of is, “they really didn’t want me in that room”. I wanted to go out on my own terms. My resignation letter was tucked in my pocket. For a split second, I considered slapping it on the table and walking out on MY terms. But it wasn’t really, MY terms. I was in a corner. There were a lot of unanswered questions. Things didn’t make sense.

I had been told I would be officially leaving the department on July 8th, how ironic.

On June 27th, the day AFTER I was told I was being displaced, I showed up as usual. Within 30 minutes, a freight train arrived in the form of that very grumpy old micromanager. THEY had decided over night that I was NOT welcome in “THEIR embroidery room”. They insisted that I gather my things and begin making myself comfortable in the other department.

Needless to say, I wasn’t able to keep my cool. I lost it. I had my final say and I left that room.

I stood in the parking lot waiting on one of the owners to show up. I had my resignation in hand. While waiting, I realized that no matter what I said, or even if I gave my resignation, it wouldn’t change the fact that nothing was going to be done about how I was treated. I had to find a way to make myself happy, doing what I loved. Little did I know that was the first day of happiness.

I loved the department I was moved to because I wasn’t being micromanaged, I wasn’t working with a slow poke nor did I have to wait for the new hire to get that management job as promised.

I was my OWN manager.

I was in charge of my OWN workload.

I was responsible for the outcome of MY work and I had some creative control.

I get to influence small changes.

On January 3, 2020, I celebrated my 7th work-aversary just 129 days after being “kicked out” of the embroidery department. Sounds bad but, now I’m in my own department. I am doing something I love MORE than embroidery. It has hurdles, still have personalities to learn to work alongside and a new environment. I survived the heat of the warehouse which was less torture than the infamous fan of the embroidery room. I am now facing challenges that test my face to face skills. I have also been getting my toes wet in technology. A field I left in 2010 after 22 years for a creative field.

I love a challenge. I want to be recognized for my abilities. I want to offer my abilities. I want to celebrate more work-aversaries —- doing what I love.

• Other readings:
  • August 2017 A Quote That Rings True….